Polyamory is beginning to hit the mainstream

Polyamory: (n) the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

I’ve been somewhat heartened by how much press polyamory has been getting as of late. Yes, it is still a tiny percentage of the population which practice it, but it is now getting write ups in Newsweek, many personal blogs, and even some television coverage. It seems an incredibly logical choice to me. There is a much higher chance for success when a diverse complement of human beings is utilized to meet the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of any given individual. Attempting to accomplish the same objective with only one person trying to fulfill all of those needs for that individual will almost certainly have a lower chance of prosperity for the person whose needs they are.

Love is not a finite resource. Loving another person does not lessen my ability to love you at all. In fact, I would argue that it might actually increase my ability to love you. Ensuring that everyone’s needs are met within a relationship without anyone having to do something they’re uncomfortable with will likely strengthen the bonds between any two people that are participants within the relationship. The key is to find a setup that works for all parties concerned. Polyamory is not one set format. It could be anything from two males and two females who do not stray outside of their quad to a legally married couple who date openly to three men living together who all date other people but are committed to one another. As with traditional monogamous relationships, the critical component of polyamorous relationship is frequent open and honest communication.

Jealousy is absolutely illogical. If you trust your loved one, then there is no point in being jealous. If you don’t trust the ones that you are involved with, then you’ve got bigger problems than determining how many partners you are going to allow in the relationship. This is not to say that polyamory is for everyone. That would be asinine. Many people will prefer monogamy, and that’s great. But I am psyched that polyamory seems to be gaining a bit of social awareness, even if it has not reached the acceptance level yet.

TV interview with Sandra Miller on FOX morning show (4:50)

Polyamory is not for everyone (The Frisky 01/06/2010)

Feminism & Violence (KindaPoly 12/16/2009)


8 thoughts on “Polyamory is beginning to hit the mainstream

  1. Kelli says:

    Just because jealousy isn’t logical doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

    Everyone gets jealous. _Everyone_. It’s ok. The problem is what jealousy leads to- not jealousy itself.

    But yay for poly progress!

    • Well, my initial response to this was totally contrary. Not everyone.
      But you are correct for the most part. Nearly everyone does get jealous at some point. The solution is open and honest communication. That’s vital in any relationship to make it succeed.

  2. KristynaMae says:

    Very interesting reading, the idea of polyamory seems good in the abstract, just not sure about how it would work in reality. Plus, it’s had enough to find one person to date, let alone several different people who can fill all of my needs, and yes, I have many.

    Glad you posted a link to this, you know I am a huge fan of your ramblings! Hope all is going well with you. Keep in touch.

    • Glad to see you post here. Hadn’t seen anything from you on SS.com lately. Hope all is well with you.

      My understanding of polyamory is growing as I learn more about it. For the most part, it is a completely different community from the traditional puritanical monogamous community. Similar to the gay community, but different. Some folks are “out,” others aren’t. At least that’s my take on it. So if you chose to go the polyamorous route, the dating pool could very likely be completely different. Unfortunately for me, there isn’t much of one here in Flagstaff. That’s what I get for living in a small, conservative town in a Red state 😦

  3. Me says:

    Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe! I’ll go and read some more! What do you see the future of this being?

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  5. starla22 says:

    My feeling (in response to Me) is that Poly is the next taboo. Meaning, with social norms always evolving, it seems there is always one big thing we’re trying to get over. It was, and still is to some extent, homosexuality. Gay people were persecuted, institutionalized, mistreated, discriminated against, and they are still working toward their right to be treated as equals. I think poly is the next group to head down that road. I see the poly community standing 50 years from now where the gay community is standing now. We are just starting to “come out” and be seen, and as people come to realize that this is very real and not just some pop culture plot tool, many will be up in arms. If two people of the same sex wanting to get married is/was a threat to the sanctity of marriage, just imagine the response to this!

    It’s scary to think of what lies ahead but even the slightest possibility of this hitting the mainstream makes me feel very giddy as well.


  6. babyb says:

    i agree ‘yay for poly progress!’
    &Kudos to this post!<3

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